User Profile

I'm 26, and am trying to make various parts of my mental self parts of my real self. I am overweight (hating it), and am reviving this journal in order to record my trials with extended fasting, self discipline, and later, with what some people might call aneorexia although I do not have a psychological disorder, and do not intend to continually starve myself. I do, in fact, suffer an opposite affliction, compulsive eating. I seek to heal this disorder by facing the problem head on. I will not eat. I will refuse, and at length, in order to gain insight into my problem: I will be FORCED to face the problems that cause me to eat compulsively and gain coping mechanisms this way. I will also rid myself of the very damaging weight this disorder has caused me, and a variety of toxins that have accumulated from impure foods.

I have read extensively on the matter of fasting, and intend to do it safely. I know that my body will weaken in a variety of ways, and that I will go through phases of what might seem like sickness. I will not, however, let this discourage me, and I will handle these situations with responsibility. When I write about this stuff, I do NOT want to hear any discouraging remarks from anyone who comes to my journal. All comments are screened and will not be replied to or posted if the comments are negative. I need SUPPORT to regain my HEALTH, not the paranoid nattering of someone bent on trying to make me eat again, and continue to destroy myself. The negative aspects of fasting, in this case, are EXTREMELY palatable compared to what will happen to me if I continue to eat this way- if I do not take this personal journey. I am on the verge of becoming diabetic, suffering weakened immune system, sugar sensitivity, and elevated blood pressure. I am only twenty-six: it is FAR too early to let myself crumble to things like this.

All that said: The first segment of my fast will be 27 days. One day for every year of my life, plus one additional day. I will use this as marker to analyze how much weight I've lost, to reflect on how my moods have changed, and to reflect on my attitude toward food. Once that is completed, I will continue to fast until I can see the bones in my body, and can visibly confirm that I have no significant portion of body fat which remains. When I reach this state, I will end my fast and put on a healthy amount of weight, eating healthy foods, NOT the foods I simply wish to taste.

I may or may not join communities that are pro-anorexia, because I feel that they may support my endeavors to become skeletal. It is not to say that I personally think anyone should do this on a long-term basis. However; knowing what I do of the modern pathological medical system and my latest studies on the human body, fasting, etc... I do NOT think that they're as bad off as most non-holistic doctors would imply. The human body is meant for fasting and feasting, and that is what most anorexics do. Fast, and very occasionally, have a small binge. That is actually -quite- in tune with what our metabolisms are built for. They just make a decision not to feast as often as some people feel might be necessary. *shrug* I also feel that some of them may sympathize with me, since some do start out this way, for reasons similar to mine.

Now on to other stuff about me.



First of all, if it's not clear from my interests, I'm bisexual. I have a female preference, and currently a boyfriend. I'm not here to hit on anyone or anything like that, but I have a pretty "whatever happens, happens" kind of attitude. Chat me up if you feel like it.

I'm kind of a geek. I like sci-fi, comic books, ren-faires, role playing games, cartoons, the intarwebz and other such geekly things. I really don't care who knows about it, since they are a large part of what makes me, me. Honestly, you can laugh/ pick at me all you want about it, because I think "non-geeky" habits, like clubbing, being a sports fan, or shopping are as lame and stupid as you think my comic books are. So, we both enjoy something the other thinks is boring/ moronic, and you'd just be the bigger asshole for bothering me over something we failed to have in common. Whoop dee doo. That just helps me weed the idiots out, really.

I have another side, too, which I don't share with many people: a spiritual side. I'm a shaman at heart, and encourage people to read books on the subject before they assume I carry around a big stick and wear feathers and other such gobbltygook. That's as educated as thinking wiccans ride broomsticks. Now, admittedly, staves and so on have their ritual/ symbolic purposes, but most of what I do is deal with things on a spirit level. I've moved beyond employing symbols too heavily, since they really don't matter, save to the person using them, and I feel no need for them. I'm more about enlightenment through personal discovery, meditation, honing various aspects of my mental state that others would refer loosely to as "being psychic", and other disciplines. I also believe that everything is energy- all things that exist are, in some way, alive, and definitely all have spirits. I believe in cycles and in patterns, and in knowledge. I practice time in order to be among humans, but do not believe in time. All things are, were, and still will be, all moments are the present moment, and so on.

I'm an artist by trade, and working on becoming a successful one. ;) I'm lucky enough to have my boyfriend's support in this matter. I would say "he feeds me", but he won't for a while to come. He will continue to pay the utilities, though, and buy me anything else I need. ETC. :3

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